Surprise! Your genius ex-girlfriends...
Surprise! Your genius ex-girlfriends teamed up to teach you a lesson, pig. While you slept, we wrapped your cock in a steel cage, welded it shut, and added an indestructible layer of diamond. It's a tight fit and lined with spikes. Get aroused and you'll regret it.
The cage is secured with unbreakable, razor-sharp wire. If you tamper with it - whoops! - instant castration.
What do we want from you? Nothing. We just don't want you to bother anyone else with your rancid cock.